The Travails of the Astounding!

This is Jane. I used to live down the hall from Jane and once put a mix CD on her door step because hers would be the only apartment blasting good music late at night besides mine. It occurs to me that I might have never mentioned this to her. I wonder if she ever got it. Did you?




Jane's going out with Jon, my roommate... technically housemate. Yes, that's real blood. Yes. it's his. No, it's not my fault. At least not directly. Jon writes for a newspaper, and talks on the radio once a week about politics and bestiality. I made that part up. I'm allowed to do that. Fuck you FCC. He can also cook, and claims to be a great drinker. This has yet to be empirically tested.





Together, theyre one big Libertarian mush-fest. Really, you should see him pace around the door waiting for her to come home. It's fucking adorable. They met at work, but got to know each other at a party we threw here. After which once she had left he let out with a sigh: "Daaamn, she's so fucking cool! She's like the coolest chick, ever." Score one for Jon. Way to go Jon.





This is Lindsey, she's cool, even though she comes from Florida and doesn't own a gun. Her middle name is Quinn, all you Paul Auster fans know why I think that's so cool, but that's not the most interesting thing about her. You have to ask politely if you want to see that. She likes the fruity concoctions I make at work, and thusly ranks high in my favor these days.





This is the owner (Danny), cook (Nick) and bouncer (Ryan) of the bar that I work at. It's essentially a hospitality business run by stoners. Frankly I'm surprised anything gets done. But I guess once all the prep work is done, all youve gotta do is hang out. And if there's one thing stoners know how to do, it's sit around, talk, smoke, and eat fried foods.





And then there's Mexican Christian, fresh out of the barbershop. He comes 'round on the weekends and does computer suff with Vince, another roommate-technically housemate of ours. I don't know what his deal is, but he knows more about Back To The Future than I do, so that's gotta count for something.





This is Vince, he lives in the attic. His real name is Vicente, which is infinitely cooler than Vince. If I were him I'd force people to say my proper name, and make a big stink when they didn't, but he's a nice guy. He does computer stuff, but seems to be interested in music. The walls of his room are lined with CDs and sound equipment. One day I was playing the Dresden Dolls and he ran out in gleeful surprise. I decided then he was pretty cool.





This is Liz. She's Vinces main squeeze. Do people say that anymore? She just spent three weeks in Taiwan eating tofu and drinking Soy milk. Liz hopes to return via The Peace Corps, though she'll probably end up in Mongolia riding a yak 3 miles to the nearest bathroom with plumbing. She rents movies all the time. Y'know, touching-human-drama type movies that make you believe in the strength of the human spirit and all that shit. She eats mega-healthy and reads a bunch. Good catch, Vince!





This is Jasmine and Jen. I met Jasmine whilst tripping on the Shrooms, which really doesnt help you grapple with the firecracker that is the Jasmine personality. She can talk the ear off an elephant and has a dandy sense of personal style, I think she's a bit 'touched', but she seems functional, so more power to her. Jen, is a quiet observer of human behavior who falls asleep every-time she comes to my place. She's going to Germany in a few weeks. I'd love to go to Germany. I hear chicks are loose there. Now don't you get all whored up, Jen!





And this, is Mike 'I don't have a problem' Scotto.








And this is Mike ten minutes later.





All of these freaks are certifiable, and should be taken away immediately. Except for Jon. Who should be shot on sight, to prevent the risk of infection.


The Final Countdown from the album "Final Countdown" by Europe